Appendix A - Bonus Notes
Bonus Notes - A Code of Living from I Choose love, The A-Z Guidebook for the Spiritual Warrior
First Published 2019 A-Z of Emotional Health Ltd Copyright © Jenny Florence/J L Burgess 2018 - All rights reserved.
A – Autonomy… Autonomy does not mean separateness from the world… it means relatedness with the world! We are all unique individuals with the capacity for free will and conscious choice and whilst we are separate from others in that we have an ability to think independently, we are simultaneously inseparable from all that is life and all that we are collectively a part of. When we are conscious of this extraordinary paradox and can stand in awe of both the power that we each hold individually alongside a humble awareness of our smallness within the bigger picture, we can navigate our daily lives from a position of enhanced self-responsibility.
B – Be Brilliant… Be great today… be brilliant… but not at the expense of anyone or anything else! People who really flourish do so because they feel good about themselves. They live honourably and decently, their thoughts, words and actions are founded in respect and genuine regard. As a result, regardless of events and circumstances in their lives, they come away from any situation feeling good about themselves. Cultivate an attitude of being the best that you can be, right now!
C – Choice and Change… See yourself as the source of change in the world. Each and every day we are faced with a multitude of choices and decisions. The way that we think about life, the things that we say and the things that we do, our thoughts, our words and our actions, all have an impact. Once something has been said or done we cannot change it. We CAN however decide what we wish to do… right now. It is within the immediacy of any given moment, the immediacy of now, that we hold our greatest capacity for personal choice and therefore our greatest capacity for personal power!
D – Healthy Disappointment… Learn to appreciate disappointment… this emotion is a gift and a navigational aid that contains within it the seeds of personal empowerment. When we experience disappointment, it means that something hasn’t gone well or as we would have liked it to. In truth this presents us with a profound opportunity for conscious and well-informed choice. Disappointment is a signpost.. it asks us to put the brakes on… to pause and to reflect before deciding how best to proceed… and we can then use the information this brings to enhance our capacity for conscious reflective decision making, opening new windows of opportunity for empowered considered choice.
E – Empathy… Develop your understanding of empathy, not simply as a listening skill that you offer to others, but as a spiritual pathway of living, enhancing all aspects of who you are and who you may wish to become. Empathy isn’t simply a listening ear and something that we can offer others. In essence, true empathy is a state of being. When we live empathically, we can relate with our full experience of life at a level of mindful and conscious awareness…awareness of ourselves, awareness of others, and awareness of a greater, universal intelligence of which we are an integral and dynamic part.
H- Healthy Fear… The first step in learning to manage fear is to understand the difference between unhealthy fear and healthy fear. Healthy fear is an immediate and fully present experience… a response to something that is happening right here and right now! When we experience a genuine and real threat, it is absolutely essential that we listen to our fear and we take action! Learn to differentiate between the kind of fear that is felt in the immediacy of a moment, when a threat is very real and very present as opposed to the kinds of fears that we hold within us and within our mind, such as fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of catastrophe and disaster, fear of abandonment… etc… the difference sits in ‘the fear of what might be’ as opposed to ‘the fear of what is’. Understanding this difference creates empowerment through awareness!
G – Gratitude… Gratitude is both a state of mind and an emotional state of feeling. When we dwell in gratitude as a foundation for living we create a powerful connection between both mind and emotion… a working alliance within us that is centred in a shared vision... and this is a vision of powerful transformation. Gratitude honours and values the growth and the learning to be found in every precious moment of our lives. This collaboration enhances our capacity to become mindfully conscious of the choices available to us in any given situation reinforcing our position of personal power.
H- Honesty… Live your life on a foundation of honesty. Be honest in all of your dealings, and above all… be honest with yourself. We all mess up sometimes… we’re only human… however, whilst we cannot change the past or undo any of our past actions, we can always choose what we wish to do about something right now, and your honesty creates this window of opportunity.
I – Integrity… Set an intention to live your life in integrity. Be your own hero/heroine and make an agreement with yourself to live a life of integrity in which you become your own source of inspiration. Being able to stand firm and remain true to our core values in the face of someone or something that is not okay, whilst owning our vulnerability with honesty and humility is a strength beyond measure. This is integrity!
J – Judgement… We are not defined by the actions and the judgements of others, we are defined by what we choose to do in the face of them. If you find yourself judged by someone, please remember, their judgement does not define who you are! It simply defines them as someone who needs to judge!
K – Kindness… Be kind to everyone and everything… including yourself. Despite its soft and gentle nature kindness is also firm and strong. Being kind does not mean that we condone behaviour that isn’t okay so saying No in an unhealthy situation is the kindest thing that we can do. It validates, acknowledges and identifies a problem, therefore creating an opportunity to initiate a change, and this could be in response to someone else… or to ourselves! When we navigate our relationships through true kindness, what might previously have been a judgement becomes a caring evaluation and what might previously have been a criticism becomes a helpful and supportive critique. If every single person on this planet lived their life through kindness the face of this world would change. We have this choice.
L - Look for the Learning… There is no such thing as a wrong decision! Everything that is taking place in our lives in every moment, every happening, every event and every person that we meet, brings us an opportunity to learn and to grow. When we live with an appreciation of the learning that is being gifted to us in every moment and when we truly know, not simply as a concept within our mind, but deep in our hearts, that there is no such thing as a wrong decision, only the learning and growth to be found in our development from this position, we embrace our full evolutionary potential to become all that we can be.
M - Mistakes… Learn to cherish, value, and appreciate mistakes, your own as well as those of others. Wisdom and maturity are not marked by our years, they are marked by our ability to learn from our mistakes and to integrate this learning into our future actions. Gently and kindly manage yourself with an enjoyment and an appreciation of your strivings and a delight in your mistakes. Your mistakes are the birthplace of your personal growth and development!
N – Non-Judgemental Enquiry… Develop within your mind, an internal environment of non-judgmental enquiry. Judgement and criticism damage confidence and lower self-esteem, however, removing any form of criticism whatsoever also denies us the opportunity to grow from our mistakes. We remove the opportunity for healthy evaluation, to be real with ourselves, to do better, to strive to be more, and to truly enjoy the fulfilment and the self-respect that comes from knowing that we genuinely did our best, especially when we then succeed. Change your inner critic to an inner critique. Cultivate an attitude in which mistakes, your own and those of others, are appreciated and valued for the learning curve that they bring.
O – Ordinariness… We all know that it is the little things in life that matter. And yet as adults we frequently get caught up in evaluating the nature of personal success through the bigger targets and external goals that we believe we should be achieving. We rush around, wishing we had more time, and yet never stop to see that which is immediately available to us. Cherish every moment of your day and every special and ‘ordinary’ moment of your life. You are precious, and the extraordinary ordinariness of your life is a gift.
P – Problems… Consider viewing any kind of problem as an opportunity rather than a potential crisis. Every problem contains within it the source of a potential resolution. Whenever we identify a problem, our very recognition and acknowledgement of this difficulty creates an opportunity to seek a potential solution. As long as a problem remains unseen, unrecognized or indeed denied, then the doorway to any possible solution remains closed. When faced with a problem or difficulty or a challenge within our adult lives, what we each choose to do in response to this challenge can make the difference between a problem being compounded and repeated or alternatively worked through, resolved and used as a valuable learning curve, creating significant and lasting change.
Q – Quietly Ask Questions… Learn to be still… learn to listen… and stay in the questions. Whenever you experience uncertainty or overwhelm, it is time to find some quiet within yourself… it is time to be still, and it is time to listen! Listen with your ears… listen with your eyes… listen with your body… listen through your heart… listen with your mind… and give yourself permission to be curious and learn to stay in the questions. Know and appreciate that what you think you know in this present moment can always be extended by a question. We can always discover more. An attitude of discovery without judgement or blame will create an environment of success regardless of the outcome.
R – Respect… Even though we cannot see it, respect is something that we can feel. It is a tangible and yet unseen experience. True respect denotes care and regard… true respect symbolizes the health and well-being of our own sense of entitlement, as well as our recognition and desire to support and validate the entitlement of others… true respect acknowledges and validates the differences between us and therefore our unique individuality, indeed true respect celebrates difference. True respect acknowledges and validates our right and our opportunity, to discover and formulate our own opinions, to develop our ability to reflect and to make our own conscious choices; and it acknowledges and validates the rights of others to do the same. Respect enables difference to be welcomed with interest, rather than received as a threat and as something to be defended against, and this creates possibility for learning and for growth. Doorways are open, and there is a mutual flow of both giving and receiving.
S - Self-Care and Self-Love … Self-care is a gift to humanity. It is not an act of selfishness… it is an act of consciousness! When we embrace self-care and learn to love and look after ourselves, we have an abundance to give to others.
T – Trust… There is a direct relationship between self-esteem, emotional resilience and trust. Emotional resilience and durability stem from a core of healthy self-esteem built upon a foundation of trust. We all know that many small problems left unattended will create a mountain of difficulty, generating a lack of trust and undermining our belief that all will be well. The same principle applies in reverse… many small steps, validated and celebrated daily, will create a mountain of achievement, constantly reinforcing an inner sense of trust that will build, self-worth and self-esteem, creating durability and resilience! Every day, validate ANY and ALL of your achievements, however big and however small!
U – Understanding… A great many of the problems faced by humanity would change if every situation was approached with a desire for understanding. Understanding enables us to travel beyond the constraints of assumption and perception… understanding is a dynamic and expansive state of being… understanding expands our consciousness, taking our external vision and awareness into new territory, whilst simultaneously deepening our inner vision and insight. When understanding becomes our guiding light… our north star… the intelligence of our mind can dance with the intelligence of our heart, expanding our knowledge and awareness, escorting us to new levels of consciousness.
V - Values… Live in accordance with your own true inner values! Be yourself… walk to the beat of your own drum… and when you find your own song, sing it with pride. Whatever our unique and individual pathways may be, try to be true to your own, whilst actively demonstrating your respect for the unique and individual pathways of all others that you come into contact with. As long as your pathway demonstrates an absolute respect for others, you will discover your own song.
W – The Power of Words… Be mindful of your words, they carry power… and this is never simply the intellectual meaning of the words, or the concept portrayed… it is the feeling and the emotion contained and carried within words that carry the power! Words can hurt… you’re stupid…you’re pathetic… you’ll never amount to anything… or they can heal… I’m so sorry… that will never happen again! Words can bring joy… wow, that is just amazing… I adore you… I love you… So consciously choose to take charge of your words, not only in what you say to others but also in the way in which you speak to yourself. They carry power and they have an impact!
X – X-Ray Vision… Develop your ability to look beyond the obvious and the immediate. The scope of our human vision is limited, not only by the constraints of our physical eyesight but also by the perceptions and viewpoints that we hold within our mind. Make an agreement with yourself to strive to always look beyond the obvious with a desire to understand and to look more deeply. This is reflection! Embracing true reflection is a one of the most valuable tools that we have available to us. It enables us to notice… and whenever we notice something we create a window of opportunity in which our deepening awareness can inform our conscious thinking and direct our actions.
Y – The Art of Saying Both Yes and no… Learn to say both Yes and No with discernment. Do you ever find yourself saying Yes when really you should have said No? And then when you do say No you end up feeling guilty about this? Sometimes the greatest gift that we can offer someone or ourselves is to say No. When we say a big healthy No to any form of destructive behaviour, we are showing ourselves and/or others respect, and we are engaging in genuine care. We are actively involved in developing healthy limits and healthy boundaries. Yes and No walk hand in hand and are essential ingredients in our capacity to maintain the healthy boundaries that define us as empowered autonomous individual human beings. Saying No to any form of abuse or any form of destructive or damaging behaviour whether in others or within ourselves is a statement of health. When we say No to something or to someone unhealthy, we are saying Yes to life!
Z - Zen, Zenith… Make a commitment to yourself, to live your life in a state of love. Pause for a moment and be still... cherish and treasure this moment and all that surrounds you… all that you are… all that is. Now quiet your mind and quiet your emotions and find within yourself a point of Zen… a place of stillness and deep connection and presence within yourself. Consider that alchemy is NOT some chemical transformation that changes lead into gold, but rather the extraordinary golden opportunity granted to us each for the transformation of our Soul within the journey of our human life. Be the gift that you are, and you will discover your Zenith, your own North Star… your inner guiding light… in the quest for the transformation and the evolution of your Soul.
Zen. A form of Buddhism emphasizing value of meditation and intuition.
Zenith. A point of heaven is directly above the observer. A point in either time or place of greatest power, prosperity and happiness.